Some of you may have recently visited the local movie theater to check out A Quiet Place: Day One. Like the other movies in the A Quiet Place series, this prequel details a world in which people must be quiet to survive. Extra quiet. The invading alien species is attracted to and destroys anything or anyone that makes a sound. This version of earth with no sound is so otherworldly, so outside of our norm.
Considering this concept, it made us think about the nature of silence and sound in our facilitation practice. Are we utilizing the power of silence? Are we uncomfortable with it?
When is silence helpful? When does it detract? How do we program it, and how do we adapt to it?
Let’s be honest: as facilitators, our goal is often to break the silence. We craft clever icebreakers and debriefs to ensure no awkwardness seeps into our engagements. And in a way, that is helpful and a noble goal, especially if it makes our guests feel comfortable and safe. What if psychological safety came with silence, not in its absence? What if silence actually bolstered our team’s perceived psychological safety and belonging?
In reality, there are several benefits to creating intentional silence in meetings.
Benefits of Silence
Space for contemplation: When discussing this concept within our community hub, two members, Gordana Latinovic-Rauski and Sara Huang, called attention to the space and silence in music. Gordana specifically mentioned that “silence plays a crucial role in shaping the rhythm and defining the tempo,” and she’s right. For instance, after Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings” hits its highest note and all energy seems to be spent, reentry into this beautiful musical world is prepared by almost 5 whole seconds of silence – and this 5 seconds evokes so much in the audience. The contemplation allowed in silence lets the music seep in, and the same is true in discussion. To grasp and process information, we need time, especially if we want to contextualize and even challenge what we have heard.
If we are surrounded by cultural norms that value speaking above silence, we have to protect our guests from a lack of time to process, even if it means shutting down conversation and implementing mandatory time to think!
Opportunity for new ideas and challenging thoughts to emerge: The Japanese concept of “Ma,” which Sara Huang invited to the conversation, denotes a pause in time, an interval or emptiness in space. “Ma combines door 門 and sun 日. Together these two characters depict a door through the crevice of which the sunlight peeps in 間” (source). It is a momentary pause that allows for creativity and freedom to step in. Silence can be like “ma” – a moment of space where light sneaks in and ideas emerge.
Tricia Ratliff, a member of our online community, mentions this: “…a master facilitator taught me in the 90’s that when she has enough time, she adds an extra moment of pregnant (sometimes awkward) pause here and there. Why? Because that’s when that odd brilliant thought pops up that otherwise wouldn’t have been considered and she said we can’t afford to lose those.”
If we are uncomfortable with silence as facilitators, then how much time are we giving our participants to develop ideas beyond the information we share?
“We used to believe “Silence could happen any time but it should be short.” But our suggestion is, “Silence should be long enough so that interaction can spontaneously come out.””
Provides inclusivity for neurodivergent participants & supports shy members, and accommodates for cultural differences.
While some participants may find the act of sharing outloud to be easier than breathing, others may find it daunting or less-than-natural. Silence, therefore, can act as a neutralizer. Planned periods of silence can equalize the amount of processing allowed for all participants, and, especially if followed by intentional structure in sharing these thoughts out loud, can serve those who may need a little extra courage.
Reshma Khan, a Voltage Control Certification Alum, spoke on our podcast about the uncomfortability that silence once brought in facilitation. She pushed past it and “found that holding silence can also mean holding a space such that all voices in the room get their equal turn to speak.” Silence suddenly created equity, not uncomfortability. Because the facilitator or others in the room are not the most powerful voice anymore, others are able to step in when they need to.
Along the same train of thought, different cultures interact with silence in different ways. For instance, many Asian cultures allow room for silence and are actually quite comfortable with it, while Western cultures may fill the space, considering silence “awkward.” We don’t generalize to make a point, but only to ask, “What if filling that silence is preventing others from fully processing what’s been communicated?” In cross-cultural contexts, silence may be necessary to allow for information to sink and soak into the minds of all attending, especially if there is a language difference!
Purposeful Silence vs. Adaptive Silence vs. Detrimental Silence
Even so, there is also silence that can be detrimental to the group: silence without purpose.
Priya Parker, in her book The Art of Gathering, made known to many of us that purpose is integral in all decision making, especially when it comes to gathering. It follows, then, that silence must have purpose, too!
Silence should be avoided if participants don’t understand why it is being held. One of our community members, Adam Haesler, shared his insights on how to frame silence:
- The intention for silence is clear, and the choice of silence instead of discussion or some other activity is outlined and the team is in alignment.
- The intention of each person is clear; they know why they will benefit from this time in silence
When incorporating silence into your practice, we have a couple tips that will set you up for success!
Outline silence at the beginning
We have the opportunity to, before even beginning our session, declare the purpose of silence and said, “we are committed to silence today. That is because it is helpful in slowing us down, in connecting us with the moment, in allowing for contemplation, and for letting ideas come to the surface. You will see me interact with silence today in that manner.” The participants then know that you will shape and use the silence as the meeting goes on, and you save them from the uncertain hesitancy that often comes with long pauses.
Erik Skogsberg, our VP of Learning Experience, encourages facilitators to frame it from the outset as a “pause” instead of “silence.” Silence, “awkward silence,” and the “silent treatment” all have negative connotations; if we frame it as a chance to pause, to reflect, and to slow down, suddenly this silence brings with it an abundance of opportunities and it doesn’t just signify a “lack” or “absence.”
Point silence out as it occurs
Erik continues to describe what happens when he waits to point out silence as it occurs, and adapts: “I’ll pose a question and wait, and see that folks are squirming, and use that as a chance to say ‘You’ll see that I’m comfortable with silence; I’d encourage you to think about what your relationship is with silence, as well.’” He explains that after that, there is a shift in the energy of the room. People are nervous, but they suddenly seem to slow down; even the agenda begins to seem spacious!
Getting comfortable incorporating silence
As we think about the movie A Quiet Place, and how odd a silent world is, perhaps we can consider how to channel such a powerful subject as we lead.
Khan described her relationship with silence before and after certification on our podcast: “… over the years, and more so… with the certification and with the experience that’s come with it, I’ve come to realize that … silence is most likely people reflecting for themselves…”
If you’re wanting to learn more about facilitation and the certification that Reshma mentioned, we recommend that you check out our Certification Program! This program provides you with a 3-month long, immersive experience that will shape your skills and equip you with the confidence to lead as a facilitator.
